When God Wants to Change More Than My Circumstances
For the past five years, I have found myself facing what feels like the same obstacle, just wearing different clothes.
Different circumstances. Different conversations. Different people. Different seasons.
But somehow, the same struggle keeps finding its way back to me.
For a long time, I thought I understood the solution.
I could see what others were doing wrong. I could identify their shortcomings. I could explain how their decisions were affecting me and everyone around them. And honestly, some of what I saw may have been true.
But recently, God has been asking me a much more difficult question:
“What if I am not only trying to change the situation? What if I am trying to change you?”
That question has humbled me.
It is easy to pray for someone else to change.
“Lord, change their heart.”
“Lord, make them see what they are doing.”
“Lord, deal with their pride.”
“Lord, make them treat me differently.”
But what happens when we become so focused on someone else’s transformation that we forget to ask God what He wants to transform in us?
I have had to confront that question.
Because sometimes the greatest danger is not the difficult person in the room.
Sometimes the greatest danger is allowing their behaviour to determine who I become.
Someone else’s bitterness does not have to make me bitter.
Someone else’s pride does not have to make me proud.
Someone else’s disobedience does not give me permission to become disobedient.
Someone else’s failure does not have to become my excuse.
And this is where Moses, Miriam, Aaron, Caleb and Joshua have been teaching me something profound.
Moses was God’s chosen servant. He was a leader, used by God to deliver Israel from Egypt,nstood before Pharaoh and He led the Israelites through the wilderness.His list continues to receiving the commandments, and having an extraordinary relationship with God.
Yet Moses was not perfect.
He had moments of anger, frustration and disobedience. His actions at Meribah eventually had consequences, and God told him that he would not lead Israel into the Promised Land.
His calling did not make him immune from correction, nor did his position place him above God’s accountability.
And that is important for me to remember.
Moses had his own journey with God.
I have mine.
Moses still had consequences for his own mistakes.
God dealt with Moses.
God dealt with Miriam.
God dealt with Aaron.
God was capable of dealing with everyone.
And perhaps that is one of the hardest lessons of faith:
I don’t have to take God’s job away from Him.
The Danger of Letting Someone Else’s Behaviour Change My Spirit
There have been moments when I have been tempted to become consumed by what someone else is doing.
To question.
To analyse.
To defend myself.
To prove a point.
To expose what I believe is wrong.
To ask why someone else gets to occupy a particular position.
But where does that eventually lead?
Sometimes we can become so focused on whether another person deserves their position that we forget to ask whether our own hearts are still pleasing God.
That is where Caleb and Joshua stand out to me.
They were surrounded by people who saw the same circumstances they did.
They saw the giants.
They saw the fortified cities.
They saw the challenges.
But they did not respond with the same spirit.
“He Had a Different Spirit”
Numbers 14:24 says:
“But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to.”
A different spirit.
That phrase has become my prayer.
Caleb did not have a different environment.
He had a different spirit.
Joshua did not have fewer obstacles.
He had a different response.
The other spies looked at the giants and saw reasons to retreat.
Caleb and Joshua looked at the same giants and remembered the God who had brought them out of Egypt.
They did not deny the difficulty.
They simply refused to let the difficulty become greater than their God.
And perhaps that is what God is asking of me.
Not to pretend the obstacle isn’t real.
Not to pretend people haven’t disappointed me.
Not to ignore wrongdoing.
Not to tolerate everything.
But to ask:
“What spirit am I carrying through this?”
I Don’t Want to Become What Hurt Me
This has become one of my deepest prayers.
I don’t want someone else’s behaviour to transform me into someone I don’t recognise.
I don’t want to become bitter because someone else was bitter.
I don’t want to become controlling because someone else tried to control me.
I don’t want to become disrespectful because I felt disrespected.
I don’t want to become suspicious because I have been disappointed.
I don’t want to spend so much time fighting someone else’s character that I lose my own.
Because perhaps the real victory isn’t watching the other person fall.
Perhaps the real victory is being able to stand before God and say:
“I went through it, but I did not become it.”
Maybe This Is Where the Cycle Breaks
For five years, I have wondered why the same obstacle keeps appearing.
Perhaps I have been asking the wrong question.
Instead of only asking:
“When will they change?”
Perhaps I need to ask:
“Lord, what are You changing in me?”
Maybe this season is not only about removing an obstacle.
Maybe it is about developing endurance.
Maybe it is about learning boundaries.
Maybe it is about learning discernment.
Maybe it is about humility.
Maybe it is about learning when to speak and when to remain silent.
Maybe it is about learning that God can defend me without me constantly defending myself.
Maybe it is about learning to trust God with people I cannot change.
And maybe, just maybe, the cycle ends when I stop responding to the situation from the same place I have responded from for the past five years.
I Want the Spirit of Caleb and Joshua
I want to be able to walk into difficult circumstances and still carry faith.
I want to be able to encounter difficult people and still carry love.
I want to recognise wrongdoing without becoming consumed by it.
I want to speak truth without becoming arrogant.
I want to establish boundaries without becoming bitter.
I want to be corrected without becoming defensive.
I want to be challenged without losing my identity.
I want to trust God even when I cannot understand what He is doing.
Because I don’t want to spend my entire journey waiting for everyone else to become who I think they should be.
I want God to make me who He has called me to be.
I Don’t Need to Miss My Promised Land
Caleb and Joshua could not control the unbelief of the other Israelites.
They couldn’t force the ten spies to believe.
They couldn’t change the people’s fear.
They couldn’t control the complaints.
But they could choose their own response.
And because they carried a different spirit, they entered a different future.
That gives me hope.
Because perhaps I don’t need everyone around me to change before I can move forward.
Perhaps I don’t need everyone to understand me.
Perhaps I don’t need everyone to agree with me.
Perhaps I don’t even need everyone to acknowledge what happened.
I just need to remain faithful to God.
Moses had his consequences.
Miriam had hers.
Aaron had his.
The Israelites had theirs.
God remained God through all of it.
And He is still God in my situation.
So I Am Choosing a Different Spirit
Today, I am choosing to surrender this five-year cycle to God.
I am surrendering the frustration.
The questions.
The disappointment.
The need to understand everything.
The desire for other people to change.
The temptation to focus on what everyone else is doing.
And I am asking God:
“Change me.”
Give me the spirit of Caleb.
Give me the courage of Joshua.
Give me the humility to accept correction.
Give me the wisdom to know when to speak.
Give me the restraint to know when to remain silent.
Give me the faith to believe You when circumstances look impossible.
And give me the strength not to become what I have been fighting against.
Because I am beginning to understand something:
The Promised Land is not only about where God is taking me.
It is also about who I become while I am getting there.
